Where do I begin?

Geez. It's been more than 1.5 years since I've done a blog but I guess with what has happened in the last 1.5 years, I think I really need to do another one.

So it's December 30th, 2015 and the new year begins in a little more than 24 hours. I'd love to say that I am better than where I was 1.5 years ago but I feel more lost than anything. You would think that being in a 2.5 year relationship would have taught me to know more about relationships but I have regressed so poorly that I'm afraid of being unloveable.

Since Luke and I broke up January 2012, I have had so many boyfriends that I just want to give up on dating. Brad, Joe, Brandon, Jerry, and now Ryan. That doesn't count all of the guys that I have also hooked up with (Brian and Kevin). I don't understand how these relationships don't last for more than 3 months. How was it possible that the first relationship I was in lasted for more than 2 years and now, as a almost 26 year old, I can't have one last longer than 3 months.

I don't know, I feel like I really need to sort my priorities out when it comes to relationships or vow to give it up until I am done with medical school. I wish I could say it doesn't affect my grades but it does. It does so much.

I don't know... I hope that 2016 brings better views on relationships because at this point, I don't think I can go downhill.